5.6.08

A Review of The Machine Girl (2008)



Kataude mashin gâru


GIRL HAS ARM

GIRL LOSES ARM

GIRL REPLACES ARM WITH A GATLING GUN AND SEEKS REVENGE...


I urge everyone to check out the trailer for The Machine Girl. If you don’t laugh, this film is not for you. If you do, prepare to rupture something as, over the course of 90 minutes you will experience: tempura battered forearms, digit-spiced sushi, dismemberment through tripping, A DRILL BRA, ninjas in tracksuits, sapphic arm-wrestling, necrophilic deflowering, bullet flaying, vomiting intestines and gallons and gallons of geysering blood.

Good writing, good performances, good CG and good taste are not The Machine Girls’ forte. What it does have going for it is an abyssal black sense of humour and a penchant for treading the line between the disgusting and the absurd (avoiding, as it does so, the pitfalls of some more extreme Japanese horror offerings). The story, such as it is, revolves around a seemingly normal Japanese high school girl who – after the death of her brother – goes after the ones responsible. There are some other incidentals; the mystery surrounding the death of her parents and the over-complicated bullying of her brother but they are really filler – the tasteless bread surrounding this sandwich of ultraviolence. The opening scene is a perfect demonstration of Machine Girls’ intentions – it contains plot spoilers that reach halfway into the film – effectively stifling any chance of tension or drama. And then a petite girl in a Japanese schoolgirl outfit straps a Gatling gun to the stump of her left arm and you understand. You reach calmly into your brain and turn the switch marked ‘Reality’ to the off position, dial your gorge reflex down a couple of notches and prepare to ride the claret rapids wherever they may take you.

The Machine Girl is gory, tasteless, voyeuristic and peppered with ‘performers’ from Japan’s porn industry. It is also funny, self-aware and delivers on its promises very effectively – its’ main implicit promise being: lots and lots of blood. It has its’ corny moments (ninjas) and is technically rather low rent but, in all honesty, competent filmmaking would only distract from the films gleeful, nihilistic bloodletting. So sit down with some popcorn (avoid sushi), grab the (even more hilarious) dub of The Machine Girl and prepare to dissolve all sense of good taste and decency for an hour and half. I almost guarantee you’ll enjoy it…


23.5.08

Not for MeTube

After many months being unsatisfied with the quality of video on YouTube I decided to have a look at some other sites offering higher quality video. Given that the vast majority of YouTube video is still at a paltry 320x240 resolution even the move to 640x480 (equivalent to VGA - do you remember that? I remember getting my first VGA capable monitor... God, I feel old) is a revelation. And given that some of these sites can now easily stream proper HD video (720p) there's really no reason to have substandard, blurry to the point of impressionism videos on the internet.

Of course the major issue is speed. On my 1 meg connection I can certainly see a difference in load times as I've embedded more high quality vids. And the increase in time needed to upload these videos in the first place is also an consideration.

A review of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008)



INDIANA JONES
1981-1989
RIP

Without preamble, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls is one of the most disappointing, illusion shattering, childhood destroying movies I have ever had the misguided misfortune to look forward to. No single element of the (rightfully) beloved world created in the trilogy has been handled with the care and attention it deserves. After over a decade of posturing, telling the world that Lucas and Spielberg and Ford were waiting for the 'perfect' script they managed to come up with something that, in deference to the theory, must have been hammered out by a dozen brain-damaged chimps on a single dogeared typewriter over a weekend. While they were drunk. This is not an Indiana Jones film, it is a travesty - cinematic, dollar grabbing necrophilia.


Indiana Jones the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull Trailer from thewraith on Vimeo.

20.5.08

Thorpe Park - May 16th 2008


Thorpe Park - Detonator from Daniel Anderson on Vimeo.


I don't do rollercoasters. I just find the whole experience utterly terrifying - the brief acceleration and the clenching of every muscle - it is our bodies preparing for death. The fact that relatively few people actually die on rollercoasters isn't as reassuring as it probably should be.
So I went to Thorpe Park in Surrey in England and went on a total of 3 rides all day. And I felt like I was going to die every time.
Still I got some good pictures and videos of people who quite enjoy being strapped to hunks of metal and putting 'near-death experience' on repeat/play for a few hours. The constant, uncontrollable screaming really got to me after a while. If someone had actually decided to go on a murderous rampage - how could we even tell something was wrong...














































































As always check out MyFlickr for these pics and more. The above video is hosted at Vimeo, a site which not only hosts videos at 640x480 without a fuss but also promises true 720p hd. I have yet to test the second claim (I literally have no movies at that resolution!) but I've found the site easy to navigate and the tools, especially the embedding tool, very helpful.

15.5.08

London - May 2008


Just off to London for a few days. Hopefully have some nice pics to post when I get back...

14.5.08

Google video

Just a test of embedding video from Google. It looks pretty awful on the main site
so I dont expect it to look any better here.

12.5.08

A review of Doomsday (2008)









After Dog Soldiers (2002) and The Descent (2005), Neil Marshall seemed like the new wunderkind of British horror cinema. His latest, Doomsday, is a markedly different film from his earlier work – most clearly in it's inability to choose which genre it belongs to. Dog Soldiers clearly leaned in the direction of comedy while The Descent was a masterful lesson in claustrophobic horror, marred only slightly by a number of over the top action scenes in its final act. Doomsday has funny moments, horrible moments, thrilling moments and, more often, moments filled with levels of absurdity which would not feel out of place in a full-blown spoof.

The year is 2033. A quarter of a century has passed since the outbreak of a fatal disease in northern Britain. Scotland has been cut off - segregated behind a barrier closely following the lines of Hadrian's wall. But the disease has returned, the south is threatened and a crack military team (led by Rhona Mitra) is sent into the contaminated zone to find survivors, and a cure. Throw in Marshall's proven abilities to create tension and a little offbeat humour and it sounds like the making of a minor classic, right? Well yes and no. The films' greatest strength is also its biggest liability – namely nostalgia.

Some films use nostalgia extremely well. A recent example would be Superman Returns. The slow, majestic sweep of the title sequence served to reintroduce us the universe of Superman (literally and figuratively). John Ottman's marginal reworking of John William's superb score was so evocative that it, in conjunction with the familiar (though now CG enhanced) starscapes created a near instant sense of comfort. Superman Returns is homage, Doomsday is convoluted pastiche.

The film is a literal expression of what happens when you give a director too much freedom. After only 2 features, Neil Marshall's track record was simply not strong enough to be allowed this kind of free reign. The result is a mess; the bastard child of a dozen or so 70's and 80's films – from the Warriors to Mad Max via Escape from New York. It also moves schizophrenically from one genre to the next: near future vistas give way to post-apocalyptic deserted cities (a la 28 Days Later) before moving on to psychedelic dancing cannibals, mobs of bikers and an extended, somewhat unnecessary, car chase. Did I mention there's a medieval section as well that comes off as a nicely shot mash-up of Robin Hood and Gladiator? As a knowing and self-referential piece of cinematic shlock this would be perfectly enjoyable but the fact is that Doomsday takes itself far too seriously. What humour exists is often as blatant as assuming that a stunning woman like Mitra aping almost Snake Plissken worthy dialogue is entertaining. This works, to a point, but it is missing that vital cue for the audience; how are we supposed to take this? In Dog Soldiers there was a healthy sense of the ridiculous, both on the part of the characters and the audience. Likewise in The Descent, we know from the outset that the film will not be lighthearted. Doomsday refuses to make that choice, veering from an overlong dance sequence which looks like the gag reel from a Prodigy music video to the genuinely shocking roasting of a live human being. The contrast of different styles can work within the structure of a film to make the relief of the comedy or the shock of the horror more powerful but when it vacillates this often and this wildly any such affect is lost.

One major point to remember is that the movies which Doomsday references are themselves a mixed bag. That's the thing with nostalgia, its better felt than examined. The original Superman comes across, to me, as strangely elitist these days and Escape from New York is an extremely uneven film. So, in trying to bring these kinds of films together, Marshall has doubly handicapped himself: Firstly, by being limited to sources of varying quality. Secondly, by trying to reference so many other films, the coherence of Doomsday suffers. So much so that each scene begins to resemble a discrete entity, rather than a part of the whole.

Doomsday is, however, a difficult film to truly dislike. There is a kind of manic energy to it, an undercurrent of gleeful nastiness that allows it to bulldoze through the cliches, plot holes and bloated editing. The action is generally well shot and presented and the whole film has a technical polish which we are not used to seeing in British cinema. The acting is generally good and Mitra makes an impressive leading lady, hopefully this will be a breakthrough role for her. As for Neil Marshall, this is without a doubt his weakest film to date and makes one wonder whether he's ready to make the move to big budget filmmaking (there are rumours he is about to be subsumed into the Hollywood machine). We can only hope he works from a better script with more supervision in the future.

I find it hard to imagine that we will still be talking about Doomsday in twenty years but for all its' faults there is some entertainment to be had. With the right attitude, a dvd turned up loud and a few drinks it might manage to become a minor cult favourite in the future. And, through the quality obscuring mists of nostalgia, maybe that is how a classic is born...





Go...

Three hours of tape and many miles of rather fast driving resulted in this time lapse video of the journey from Westport Co. Mayo to the edge of the M50 - seemingly the place where innocent automobiles go to die.
The music is 'Birthright' by Celldweller and 'Breathe Me' by Sia.
I think the whole thing turned out rather well, even through the all obscuring veil of youtube compression.
I know it's long but do try to watch til the end...





camera: me
editing: me
driving: damien

8.5.08

Croagh Patrick 2008

Climbed Croagh Patrick County Mayo on Sunday. It wasn't easy. In fact I'm fairly sure I wished for death on a number of occaisons but I made it to the summit nevertheless. The view was stunning and, in retrospect, almost worth the physical effort. Almost. Have a lookie as some photos and please visit my flickr page for even more:

MyFlickr



























































It was only later that I realised I had just gone through a pilgrimage, unintentionally.
Damn sneaky religious people...

6.5.08

A review of Iron Man (2008)



"And what do you say to your other nickname, the Merchant of Death?

That's not bad"





Iron Man is the first feature to be made entirely by Marvel – a significant gamble which has paid off to the tune of over $350 million worldwide after just two weekends. For a non-sequel from a fledgling company that is very impressive. It also bodes well for Marvel's second project, the reboot of The Incredible Hulk – due in cinemas in June. Comic book films are big money spinners now but the success of a new series is predicated on the entertainment value of the central character – and in this way Hulk and Tony Stark have similar problems. They just aren't super enough...


Iron Man starts with an unnecessary flashback structure, presumably to ensure some loud action in the first minute or two. Tony Stark (played with now-familiar post-rehab gusto by Robert Downey Jnr.) is the embodiment of the capitalistic, jingoistic American ideal. He has become absurdly rich designing weapons and, more significantly, has no moral qualms whatsoever about the negative effects of his work. Stark is not a nice man. Except he is. This potentially realistic and complex dualistic behaviour is lost in the film's failure to choose sides. This leads us to the first of many problems; what are we, the audience, supposed to think of Tony Stark? He is presented as bright and brilliant; a charming man of the people but also as a womaniser and something of a warlord. This initial confusion is nothing compared to what happens later on. After a brush with death and a subsequent escape (which is accomplished in an ultraviolent fashion) he holds a hippie press conference and vows to stop making weapons for good.


This turnaround is simply too fast and, as presented by Downey Jnr. with his usual twinkly-eyed glazed look, has none of the power or angst we have come to expect from comic book origin stories. His parents are not murdered before his eyes, nor is his home world destroyed. He does not belong to a mutant race of outcasts nor does he inadvertently cause the death of a loved one. He simply comes across as a petulant child who is bored with his old toys. Instead of using his money to work for peace or help starving children he creates a powered battle suit and flies around the world blowing things up. Exactly how this is 'protecting the people he put in harm's way' is slightly beyond me. And the hypocrisy of the double standard is appalling – it is only when Stark realises that (Shock! Horror!) his weapons might be used against American troops that he begins to examine his conscience.


Don't get the wrong idea, there is nothing particularly obnoxious about Iron Man. The performances are light and breezy and the script is a cut about the blockbuster norm; littered as it is with a particularly dry sense of humour. The central performance from Robert Downey Jnr. is the film's saving grace but also its' Achilles heel. His presence is enjoyable on the one hand but, in my opinion, also detracts from the credibility of the whole endeavour. You keep expecting him to wink to camera and finally admit it is some kind of extravagant Saturday Night Live parody. That Jeff Bridges is really being played by Will Ferrell and Terrence Howard is actually just a cardboard cutout. I still don't get Terrence Howard. I've yet to see him raise a palpable, or even guessable, emotion in his roles – his face seems oddly expressionless and his voice almost unbearable. He gets some good lines in this film but sounds like he's reading them from an auto cue. But I digress. As once off summer entertainment this kind of self aware film-making is bearable but I simply can't see the film becoming a much loved classic in the future.


So, what does the film have going for it? The special effects are extremely impressive, with the integration of cg and live action especially so. The set pieces, when they come, run the gamut from almost boring to genuinely thrilling. Stark's armoured escape from captivity is suprisingly dull while some of the later aerial combat sequences are really good fun. Once again though, the use of sfx has positive and negative effects, particularly in relation to the ending. The final confrontation has become a serious problem for the superhero film. In days of yore, special effects were difficult, so typically the best the film had to offer was saved for the ending. Now, every scene is liberally slathered with computer generated gunk. The result is explosive fatigue, a run of overpowering sequences which forgo actual affect for special effect. A dozen astonishingly well-rendered high octane scenes does not create a cumulative effect. There is a new cinematic law of diminishing returns. If the same level of frankly awe-inspiring cg work is applied to the hero designing and dressing in his suit then what is left for the audience to look forward to. What makes a special effect special these days? The ending of Iron Man is another clunky computer-aided brawl, where narrative is suspended for minutes at a time while increasingly unrealistic pieces of metal and flesh beat on each other. This moment is reminiscent of a dozen other recent movie resolutions: from Hellboy to The Matrix Revolutions, all equally unengaging. Without vicarious involvement – a sense that a character we can identify with is in danger – it just amounts to so many polygons.


Perhaps I've been a little harsh on Iron Man. I can't honestly say I was bored by the experience but I do feel its' major mis-steps are a symptom of a greater malaise at the heart of contemporary blockbuster cinema. If, however, your cynicism has not quite reached the pathological degree mine has you could well have some fun with Iron Man. Robert Downey Jnr., Jeff Bridges and Gwyneth Paltrow are amiable enough company (even if the latter seems as though an errant puff of wind would shatter her into a million pieces) and the director, Jon Favreau, keeps things moving at a reasonable pace. Stark's character arc is minimal (more of a character stroll really) but his near trademarked delivery of PG-13 witticisms should be enough to hold your attention. Just.





at the IMDB